The Abstinence Clearinghouse Blog

I recently read this article in Life Issues Connector.  The author, Mary Beth Bonacci wrote this heartfelt “letter” to the man she hopes to marry some day.   She stated how she didn’t know how he was living his life today, but it matters to her because it determines the kind of man he would become and the kind of man she would spend her life with.

She went on to say that for “some guys” having sex is one of the “ways” young males prove they are becoming men.    But becoming a man is a much more complicated process.

She finds this ironic because most men want to marry girls who have respected their sexuality.  They’ll brag about girls who have been promiscuous but they don’t want to have them be their wives.  Consequently, why would she want to marry someone who spent their time robbing girls of their virginity but wanting to marry someone who has saved herself?  That type of man is not a “real man” but a boy in her eyes.

She wants to learn to really love.  Learning to love means putting the other first.  A guy who messes around outside of marriage isn’t putting the good of the other first.  They are exposing themselves to diseases that they can later give to their wives.  That’s not making love–it is satisfying desires.

She stated that she simply didn’t want to marry someone who couldn’t control themselves.  How could she trust him after marriage if he acted this way before. 

Her last two paragraphs are–

“I’ve abstained from sex all these years, and it hasn’t been for lack of offers.  I’ve had plenty of opportunities, and saying “no” hasn’t always been easy.  I’m sure it’s not always easy for you, either.  But it will make our marriage so much stronger.  Sex will be our girt to each other, our exclusive ‘language.’  It’ll belong to us, not ‘us and everyone else we ever dated.’

Thanks for waiting for me.  I promise you won’t regret it.”

I think she is a pretty remarkable young woman and a role model for many.